BigFellas and Women: A Guest Blog

This week's guest blog was written by a friend of mine who wishes to remain nameless for what will probably be very obvious reasons once you start reading.  She contacted me when she heard about the new blog starting up and wanted to, in her words, share some secrets about women with the BigFellas.  This one might qualify as NSFW but I leave that to your discretion.  Enjoy! - Brian

 

Call me Anna.

In one of the few English classes I didn’t sleep through in High School we read a book about some guy hunting a whale. It started out like that and I always thought it was kind of cool.  When I decided to write this piece,  especially since I’m not going to use my real name anyway, I thought I’d go for something as pretentious as possible so someone reading it might think I was smart or literate or something and give what I had to say a shot.

I’d like to start out by saying congratulations to my friends at The BigFella’s Guide on the start of the blog and hello to everyone reading.  If you’re wondering why I’m not using my real name, well, the simple answer is that my boyfriend is a really private guy and I just know he’d be mortified by what I have to say.

 

Our topic today is that I have a little personal issue. You could call it a habit, maybe a problem, in worse case I might even be honest and call it a pattern of addiction.  No, I’m not some kind of powder monkey with a fake crucifix full of blow in my purse. My addiction is to one thing: large men.

I guess I should be clear with what I mean by an addiction. Since my sophomore year in college I have not dated a single man under 6’4” and 250 pounds.  I’m a very fit 5’2” but before you start laughing at the cliché you should give me a chance to explain myself.  When it comes to my definition of what a man should be, I really hate to say it “out loud” but those so-called normal sized men out there just don’t get me wet.  I guess I should have warned you I get a little blunt but hey, who’s to say a little shock value doesn’t make a girl interesting? So yeah, when it comes to men, bigger is the only way I go. My friends call me a size queen.  I’ll give you a hint though: the size I’m interested isn’t necessarily hiding in your underwear buddy.  Besides, I don’t know if a woman’s ever told you this BigFellas, but when you’re over a foot taller than me, outweigh me by more than 100 pounds and can bench press more than three times what I weigh, son you can be the most average man on the planet in the dick department.  Once you flip me over on my back and nearly dislocate my hips when you’re on top of me it feels like a god is fucking me unless you just have no clue in the sack, believe me.

 

You see, the thing a lot of people don’t understand is that when it comes to what works for a woman in a man, there’s a dirty secret that most women won’t tell you.  I may get in trouble with the girls’ club but here it is.  No matter how politically correct we are and how supportive we are of the men in our lives, deep down we all, every last one of us, want a real man. We want the big muscled up beast that can throw us over his shoulder and savage us in the bedroom.  We just want him to bathe regularly, be a little bit civilized in front of our friends and family and to treat us with respect.

 

Oh yeah, and one more thing.  When the woman in your life asks you to open a jar or pick up one end of the couch or kill bugs or other manly shit IT IS A TEST. We want to make sure our man is actually a man when it comes down to it.  Have you seen a ridiculously hot woman with some huge, scruffy dude and wondered how the hell that happened? Guess what my friend.  I’d bet you he passed the test somewhere along the way, maybe even better than anyone else ever did. 

 

So BigFellas I hope you enjoy this little tiny bit of insight into women.  Maybe some of you might even learn a thing or two.  Good luck and God bless.